Why can't we be friends?
Facebook has distorted the meaning of the word "friend" forever and created a bizarre new social dynamic.
Recently, someone of my generation (the punchcard set) sent me a Facebook friend request. He was a person I know, respect a great deal, and have a decent business relationship with. So, I accepted his request. He then proceeded to "friend" all of my friends, who started e-mailing me and asking me who he was. I "de-friended" the perpetrator, who then asked me (live and in person) why I had done it. (See de-friending drama, below.) I explained that "my friends are not necessarily his friends." It was awkward for everyone.
To me, a "friend" is someone I have something in common with. In the "adult" Facebook world, a friend doesn't necessarily have to meet the classic definition of friendship. My "true" friends would run out to buy bandaids and antiseptic if I cut myself, listen to me cry or whine, shop for undergarments with me, or agree not burst out laughing if they saw pictures of me in 5th grade. Even a force as powerful as social media can't change the meaning of true friendship.
I think many people of my generation are struggling with social media do's and don'ts. That said, here are my recommendations for grown-up and business Facebook friending:
- Don't friend all my friends. That's just creepy.
- Keep me abreast of your whereabouts and interesting facts, but I really don't want to see 100 pictures of your grandma or hear that you had peas and carrots for dinner.
- I love receiving Facebook gifts, but don't need to find out what type of sushi I would be if I were a fish. Keep the application invitations to a minimum.
- Feel free to write on my wall, but remember that my friends and business associates are reading it from time to time.
P.S. I ended up "refriending" the friend mentioned above. If you're reading this, you know who you are. (And we are still friends...in the real and virtual worlds.)
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